Appriciation will shift your life!

"Trade complaints for gratitude and see how your life shifts!
Hate your job? Love that you are employed and employable!
Frustrated with family? Love that you have them in your life!
Mad that you don’t have a lot of money? Love that you at least have some!
The glass IS half FULL."

Often times there is far more to be grateful for than you have realized. Looking beyond the things that are painful or upsetting there are things in life you enjoy, things you Cherish... this is what to focus on.

Remember that what you focus on and put your energy on is what you get more of. So focusing on pain, loss, fear etc is only creating more of that.

Finding all that is good to appreciate is going to create more things to appreciate.

At one point I was laying in my bed, I couldn't find anywhere on my body that didn't hurt. I was abandoned, a victim of domestic violence and trying to heal more broken bones than the medical world could comprehend and I was unable to get up and make if further than the bathroom and that was a once or maybe twice a day venture. I could not make it to get food. I was there on my last moments of life, again, I couldn't reach anyone by phone and I was fading fast. I took myself off the pain medication as I mentioned before and so Only 8 months after my car crash I was un-medicated and having to heal all these injuries on my own.

I hadn't eaten in a few days, besides a yogurt my daughter brought me. She left to stay at her Grandmothers, she was only 13 and was overwhelmed and afraid trying to care for me and make it to school, having an autistic child care for her dying mother is a lot to ask but we had almost no one. My mother who was mostly home bound took in my daughter and my daughter cared for her but it was a lot easier than caring for me. Sooo understandable. Yet, I really wish we had had resources as that was a lot to ask of a person at any age. My 11 year old ended up staying with school friend most of the time.

So 1 yogurt in 5 days and what water I could scoop up from the sink in the bathroom once or twice a day was what I had to live on. The pain of healing bones and organs and torn muscles and injuries from head to toe (no exaggeration) was almost unbearable.

I thought about my children, about all the people out there chanting for me. I knew people had not known what was going on with me because, many I had not called and others were under the influence of my ex partner. My ex had did exactly as she said, she said she would get all my family and dear friends to believe horrible things about me if I didn't do certain things she wanted. Physically I was absolutely incapable and I even mentioned to the doctor in front of her what she said, well not that she said it but I asked, what if I wanted to do.... (certain things) and the doctor looked at me as if I just said I wanted to go and kill a million people. He looked horrified. He took a moment and said, it will be couple of years before we can safely clear you for those activities. He pleaded with me to not even consider these and that it could kill me in a horrible and painful way.

So, my ex left me and whatever she told everyone, they seemed to believe her because no one would return my calls or anything.
I am so sure it was easy for them to believe bad things about me because it's not like the doctors send home literature about how to deal with a family member/friend that has just survived a crash and is in the middle of domestic violence. I was dealing with the worse injuries historically in this country and possibly in the world according to many doctors I met from several countries, I was dealing with the highest doses and variety of meds, mostly narcotics, for pain and for other symptoms, I was also dealing with an abusive partner so I was unable to be calm all the time, rational or nice.

My 13 year old has aspergers (autism), she has bi-polar and several other sever disabilities. As I was being uncared for, so was she. She became extremely violent and re-fractured my left hip and caused several injuries to my body. She was out of control and with no one to care for her she had no way of controlling herself. She is doing fantastic now I might add. I'm in such awe of my children's ability, will and strength to work through such horrible times. They are my heroes!

People didn't understand that when I talked my energy quickly faded, my pain went way up and I could hardly think or focus. The doctors have no way of understanding how I have survived, how I could deal with such pain, how I could be as rational and comprehensive as I was on so much medicine (or even off medication at such an early time) and so there is no way my people could. So I am not angry that they would buy such lies and abandon me and my two disabled daughters to fend for ourselves. We are fighters and strong and we suffered things that I doubt many would believe or understand. And although we all feel hurt from time to time that people didn't care enough to ask us if whatever was said was true or not, or how they could help us, or even just come and take care of my children....

We don't want guilt, shame or anything like that.... I can't speak for my two daughters (I have 3 daughters, but two were living at home), but I can say for me, I want awareness, I want people to learn from this and to see there is a way through the pain and into healing. I want there to be an awareness of what people can do for each other so that no one suffers the way we did ever.

Just to move forward a bit: I knew that I was horrible at times during the first 9 months or so, so I started studying PTSD and other things that occur after an accident. Based on what I found from psychology books I should have been a lot worse and that my anger and confusion and such were normal. In fact, they were average to better than normal. Yes it was horrible for my family and friends to see me the way they did, and to endure the crap I put them threw and I am so happy it wasn't worse. And I give my self permission to be grateful for my strength and ability to do as well as I did with what I had to deal with. Mostly the crap I put them threw was yelling and screaming because the violence on my body was too much and even when I called people for help, no one would because no one could see children in such a way or understand that although my ex was not living with me she was trying to contact me a couple dozen times a day with threats. There was just so much going on.

Children with no disabilities would have been acting out as well in such situations, let alone those with the issues my children had to face. I also had hallucinations at times when I was allergic to a couple of narcotics. So they went through so much.

The books I read, were mostly people that had people to take care of them and their children. I found no books of stories such as ours. I didn't find studies of what children go through in these case either. It seemed there was so little but I only did research daily for a couple of weeks... so for me and my girls to do as well as we did while dealing with inhuman conditions, I'm giving myself and them a lot of credit for what we survived as well as we survived it.

I tell parts of my story here on Blogger because I want you, my reader to see that although things may seem awful, there is a way out, things can get better and there are affective things you can do.

Now here is what I want you to know.

After those 5 days (the second or third time this happened), I was able to get an ambulance (again), go to the hospital and stay for a couple days. I was 3 times near death from starvation (not to mention the other NDE's I had altogether through this). I had been re-injured due to violence and had a heart attack from detoxing off all the meds. So after this last time going to the ER I was on my way to recovery in a big way although I didn't know it at the moment.

I was laying in my bed 3 days after returning from the hospital. This time I had a few things to eat with me in my room and ate a couple bites a day, so I wasn't starving. But the pain was so high I kept having respiratory issues. I found it hard to breath and did my breathing exercises and used my 4 inhalers but still struggled. I lay there crying on the inside because there was not enough energy or hydration to cry on the outside. I was almost ready for the first time to just let go. I was willing to just die. And I knew I could die with ease. This is a knowing that when you are on the verge of death, you just know with absolute certainty.

I tried to yell out in anger but word came out barely audible and it drained me so much I passed out. I passed out often back then from the combination of "quick drain activities" and limit energy.

I did an inventory of my body, trying to find anywhere that didn't hurt. I couldn't.

I remembered the man in the movie the Secret, the one that survived the airplane crash, I remembered his persistence and I started crying on the inside again. I knew that it was from stories like his and from my own survival stories of many things I had already survived in life that brought me further than anyone could comprehend. Yet, I felt angry, I thought "how in the hell can I find something to appreciate so I can have more of it when I am starting with nothing!" I passed out again. When I woke, I remembered being a youth and running all the time. I remembered being born with a bone and muscle disease that I was supposed to die from and I was supposed to be crippled from. I remembered how much I appreciated my abilities and I loved running. I loved doing Martial arts (as far as forms and sparing, not competition). I loved challenging myself to jump high and run fast and punch fast and kick hard and I lay there in these memories and I found myself appreciating all the abilities and fun I have had with my body.

I passed out with a smile on my face. I woke in sever pain, again angry at the idea that I could not find a pain free spot in my current body to appreciate. But before I passed out I took one last effort, I decided to do another inventory, this was a last effort not just before passing out, it was a last effort before allowing myself to die. No more food in the room, unable to go pee for almost 24 hours I was running out of steam.

Again I thought of my family and of all those that were chanting for me and I thought, if they care so dang much to send all that energy and prayer my way I have to give it another try.

I started feeling my entire body, that I could reach, and almost to the second I was about to quit, I found a spot on my left thigh the size of my finger tip that didn't hurt.
I almost became negative thinking, "is this it!" but I remembered before I appreciated the joys my body had had in the past, I didn't have any such spot, so this is new and this is progress!!! I loved on that spot, appreciated that spot and gave thanks for that spot as if it were the best gift ever.

I passed out and slept for about 3 hours. I woke up and realized that I had enough strength to make it to the bathroom. Celebration time!!! I made it there, drank some water, came back to bed and fell asleep right away. Upon waking, I realized the top of my thigh, the size of my hand was pain free! I also noticed about a quarter size on my right thigh was pain free as well!!! I gave thanks, repeated the celebration, and then passed out.

I woke up a few hours later and realized I had the energy to go to the bathroom and maybe more, I realized all my pain had let up enough that I could maybe walk to the kitchen. Although we lived in an 800 sq ft apartment it seemed like miles. I made it! I went pee, and made it to grab an apple and a yogurt.

After sleeping 6 hours, I found I could move more, had more energy, and made more progress.

By the time it was only 11 1/2 months after my accident I could do enough to get a job!!!! I worked for about 7 months. I missed as much as I made it but I was working!!! I was told I could not be without a walker for about 5 to 8 years. I was walking without a walker! I was told I may never work again and that I would live all my life on the highest doses of pain medications legally allowed. I was told that I would spend the first 2 to 4 years dependant on a wheel chair most often. I was told that I should just be happy to be alive and enjoy what moments I had left because there was not enough medical information out there to work with someone like me... yet here I am, with all of these accomplishments!

I progressed this much without therapy, without assistance, without medications, without a soul to talk to besides my children at times and my dog. And I did it! Through appreciation I made it.

I was able after 1 week of the progress from appreciation to actually chant a little here and there, and I feel deeply this was huge in my recovery. I was also able to allow a couple of Buddhist leaders and members into my horribly messy home to chant with me and this too I feel was one of the biggest contributors to my success. They couldn't stay long, I would have just fallen asleep but they chanted with me, even when I did fall asleep and made me feel valued.

Yet, I stopped chanting, stopped appreciation, started complaining a lot and my pain started getting worse. My abilities decreased greatly...

After about 2 or 3 months of this hell, way better by far than before but still hell.... I decided to stop that shit and get back on the life I am here to live... so i started appreciating again, chanting, focusing on what I want... and having faith.

Once I started again, back into appreciation etc, I was improving again, my mindset was getting better, my body was healing, my family was happier, we started therapy together and individually, we made huge progress!!!

I made a lot of amazing new friends. Old friends are back and family is back. I don't ask them what was said or why they didn't check on us. I don't want guilt or shame... I only want us all to forgive each other, forgive ourselves and to see who we are from this moment forward.... and I want us all to learn from my family's story.

I do have to say, in my worst moments I did try to hound everyone about why, what etc.. but that only pushed everyone further away, and it only made me worse in every way. So I decided to prioritize and let things go.

I will talk about this more another day but for now...
I want you to know that appreciation, letting go, forgiveness, moving forward, loving yourself all of that... is POWERFUL!

Appreciate!

I own two businesses now and have a very exciting life of friendships, events, community etc... Life is sooooo good!

Like everyone, we still have struggles, but remembering to appreciate, chant, and do what is good for us, shifts that every time! I encourage you, if you feel things are off or not how you want them, appreciate all you can, Chant: Nam myoho renge kyo, or what ever type of affirmative prayer you do and do what works for you... action is the key. Actively appreciate.

I appreciate you for being my reader and for letting me tell a little bit of my story.

In love and light I wish you all peace, health, wealth and joy.