Just remember... You matter

I spent over 3 decades of my life feeling depressed, often times suicidal and overwhelmed. I felt as if I didn't matter, as if I was a waste of breath.

I bought into the lies and abuse of so many and when they stopped abusing me, I kept the abuse going by constantly replaying those "old tapes" in my head.

I began chanting Nam myoho renge kyo and my life began to shift. I couldn't think too much while trying to chant. Then I began to chant the gonyo (a book in Japanese) and although it is a tiny book learning to do gonyo again freed my mind from thinking.

Yes, chanting is powerful and life altering... take that and add it to moments of no thoughts and the growth and healing process speeds up greatly.

We hear crap all our lives about things we've done wrong, others opinions of us, etc... that stuff that doesn't feel good. Instead of just learning from feedback and growing we get caught playing it over and over in our minds. It's even worse when the feedback or messages are brought to us by people with the intention to cause harm and not to cause positive change.

Clear you mind and focus on the times people said good things to you. Isolate those thought and give great thanks for them.

Gratitude will bring you to the light of your own value. Service does too.

Find ways to clear and ease your mind.
Focus on all that you have to be grateful for.
Do things for others.... go rake a neighbors leafs that is ill and unable to do it themselves. Volunteer somewhere, but do something simple as often as you can to serve others.
Do something creative
Do some form of healing such as EFT Tapping, chanting, meditation or Reiki....

Thinking you don't matter is an illusion. And it can also be selfish. We ALL have something to contribute to this world and we all have things to learn.

At times life is hard and at times it is beyond hard to the point that it is just down right impossible. However, hang in there because you can turn poison into medicine and you can and do make a difference that is important and meaningful.

I used to think that I was about 80% unhappy and 20% happy on a good day. After chanting for 7 years (and only several times a month. It is best to chant twice daily, but I haven't), I am about 90% happy and 10% so / so on a bad day.

If anyone would have told me I could feel a bit less depressed and love myself just a bit more I would have told them go to hell because it's crap. I would have told them it's impossible.

But with Buddhism, study, practice, gratitude and determination I have moved forward into healing and growth I never knew possible. If I would have died either from accident, illness or self harm I would not be here today to tell you I care and that I KNOW you matter.

Hang in there my dear friends and keep moving forward.
Remember when you are not moving forward it could be that it is because you need to shift something in your life... chant more, love more, appreciate more, etc...
Or, it could mean that you are in transition, rebirth, like the caterpillar in a cocoon waiting for his wings to grow.

I'm going to add some blogs about this... about how you can shift yourself from pain to liberation.

Please know dear one that you matter and your contributions to this lifetime are valuable.

Enjoy some music, poetry, dancing, running, sex or what ever takes you into that pleasure space and stick around because we need you.

Thank you for being you and thank you for being here.